Wednesday, January 18, 2012
He's heartbroken. He knew it was inevitable yet he's heartbroken.
He had eight months with her. They had wonderful times, learned from each other, supported each other but also realized they had different paths in life. It was not meant to be. No one was wrong, there just was one huge boulder between them that they couldn't move around. She was stronger so she broke the bond.
He tells me he cannot talk now and I understand. He lashes out that he will bury his sorrows in drink, I ask if he has to work tomorrow. He doesn't even remember the words they spoke, but says it was sad and that they both cried. I watch the pain in his words on the tiny screen of my phone and I cry too.
I will be alone forever, he says, before he enters his silence.
How can I help him? How can I reach him? Let me be a sponge and absorb his pain; let me turn the clock back and challenge fate; let me move boulders, fix all the problems; let me hold my son.
You loved and you lost, hokiss. You will mourn a while. You will see her face in coffee shops and hear her voice in your dreams. Then a day will come when you will be better, you will be stronger and you'll laugh again. All this that happened was meant to happen to prepare you for what's coming up next. You will feel grateful for having her as long as you did, for the lessons she taught you, for the way she made you explore your feelings, stretch your boundaries, learn your own limits of how much you can bend, learn about yourself, learn how to heal your wounds. You will think of her fondly and hope you have also given her what you were meant to give.
You will not be alone forever, my son. Your big heart is too full of love to hold by itself, it will spill over. You will meet someone who will share her heart to hold all the love.
But for now I'll be here for you, I will cry with you until this storm passes too.