Sunday, January 2, 2011

The Little Girl

I remember the dress.  Her mother had made it for her; it was beautiful in a pretty blue.  I don't remember what the occasion was and I don't remember if she was happy or was asked to smile for the photographer.  The picture is blurry and faded just like my memory, but I recognize her eyes, her smile, her vibrant spirit.

For a long time I had forgotten her.  She had disappeared.  I'm sure she was calling my name from somewhere deep inside but I was too busy and somewhat deaf.  I was busy loving my sons with everything I had; busy losing my identity to the man I married and the role I was playing in life; busy getting hurt, developing a huge "pain body" inside created by feelings of neglect, abandonment, even nonexistence.  I felt numb inside.  I died.  Then things shifted, everything aligned in the universe to bring me back to consciousness, slowly, gradually, painfully.  It's still a process.

One morning I looked in the mirror and there she was staring at me with those huge brown eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks.  She didn't say a word but her eyes asked, why did you leave me behind? I hugged her and we cried together, then we laughed together.  I'll never leave you again, I promised.  I need  your innocence, joy, faith and sunlight with me always.  She has never left me since.

Today, we sang songs, we doodled, we laughed at the silly birds who forgot to fly south, and we sent my sons funny texts with smiley faces.  Tomorrow, well it hasn't happened yet but we might dance.


  1. I cried and finally I smiled. Oh yes tomorrow you must dance.

  2. This broke and healed my heart simultaneously. Many a little girl's story. Do dance.